What if There Were Reformed Indulgences

Sometimes i wonder what certain things would look like, and in some bizarre moment i wondered what it would look like if the reformed church were to begin selling indulgences. One of the issues with this is that they could rest on virtue of both living and dead saints as we believe all Christians are saints.


Indulgences for the forgiveness of:

• Dating, by virtue of Joshua Harris.
• Men being feminine, by virtue of Mark Driscoll.
• Not being baptist, by virtue of C.H. Spurgeon (you quote him anyway).
• Any faults in church leadership, by virtue of Mark Dever & the 9marks crew.
• Holding Arminian beliefs, by virtue of John Calvin.
• Not wearing a suit when preaching, by virtue of John MacArthur.
• Not drinking a moderate amount of alcohol, by virtue of the Acts29 guys or anyone from the YRR (Young, Restless, Reformed) crowd.
• Telling unfunny Jokes from the pulpit, by virtue of Jon Accuff
• Cessationism, by virtue of Benny Hinn.
• Ecumenism, by virtue of Ian Paisley Martin Luther.
• Missing a night of family devotions, by virtue of James Dobson.
• Weakness in evangelistic techniques, by virtue of Billy Graham.
• Not owning the complete set of Calvin's institutes, by virtue of Steve Lawson.

This is meant as a joke and i hope no one is offended by it.