Choosing friends (part 2)

Proverbs 12:12“The righteous should choose his friends carefully,for the way of the wicked leads them astray”.

This verse teaches us that we are to be ‘exclusive’ in our friendships, therefore we ought to define different levels of friendships and prioritise accordingly.

For me the order would be;
-Wife and child. Obviously these ought to be of utmost priority, my wife is and ought to be my closest friend and the relationship with my son is hugely important. My aim is not only to be influenced by them, but also to be a huge influence upon them. I should influence them in many positive ways, most of all in Christian growth and knowledge of the Word and of Christ.

-‘Close’ Friends. These people are next on my priority of time and effort being poured into relationship because these will help give encouragement, support, trust, and help, as well as great influence on my character, personality and Christian walk. These relationships have great depth in emotional and spiritual terms and often socializing together will flow to Christian conversation and 'social prayer'. These must be chosen very carefully as Proverbs 12:12 says because wicked friends will lead me astray. I want my close friends to be Christ-like, spiritually mature and to be men who will influence me toward Christ. It is advisable to limit to 3-4 really close friends because of the time needed in keeping deep friendships (Jesus had an inner circle of friends even among the twelve; Peter, James & John).

-Good friends. I'm placing this catagorie in because we have many really good friends, who've influenced, taught and motivated us greatly for the good and the glory of God. Often these are people who we love greatly and with whom we have great friendships but due to many circumstances such as distance, jobs, God's calling etc we do not actually get much time with. Perhaps these are people who we enjoy being with, have fun with and even minister with but with whom we may not choose to open ourselves to, confess sin to and often these friendships don't overflow into 'social prayer' (praying together when meeting up informally, for example; after a BBQ and the evening is ending deciding to prayer together).

-Disciples. These friends, are those who are young believers and the direction of influence is primarily from you. Their influence upon you will be minimum because you are teaching them, leading them, instructing them in the ways of God and helping them grow towards spiritual maturity. I would recommend no more than 12, one to one, personal disciples at one time since Jesus limited the number of disciples to twelve and poured much of His time and energy into teaching them.

-Unsaved Friends. We are to have unsaved friends, Paul is very clear on that in 1 Corinthians 5:9-10. However these ‘friendships’ are not to have influence over our lives and lead us astray. Again the time spent in these relationships is to build friendship, trust and influence, so that these people have opportunity to see Christ in our lives and we may see them come to saving faith. We can build these friendships up by joining clubs and involving in sports etc.

-Work colleagues. We tend to spend a lot of time in work and many friendships develop there, personally a few of my ‘close’ friendships are with men whom I work with. However we must use discretion and choice here as well. We spend perhaps eight hours a day, five days a week with these people so we are in prime position to be influenced by them or to influence them. It is good to clarify in your mind who in your work are friends and who are merely work colleagues, that is those who apart from work you would not have much dealings with.-Past Friends. Past friendships are those who we were once close friends with but from whom we have drifted apart or took different directions in life. Often if a past friend returns to the scene we feel obliged to spend the time that we once did with them. However we should clarify that these people are no longer ‘present’ friends although there is an opportunity to develop it once again if they fit the criteria of a ‘close’ friend.

-Acquaintances. These are those who do not fit any category of ‘friend’, we have merely met them once or twice and know them to see. Unless we want to develop these acquaintances into deeper relationships we should not give a lot of our time to them to the neglect of those higher up the list!

It is important to use our time wisely (Ephesians 5:16) so even when it comes to friendships we should put more effort and time into those 'more important' realationships than we do with others.